I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
