And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
