he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize