the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
