so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
