Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
