Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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