Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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