we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it because I queefed?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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