I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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