I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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