In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
