So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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