did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
