the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
