Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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