i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can't motorboat a personality
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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