So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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