New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
