Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I AM VODKA MAN
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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