I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
