New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
