there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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