how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
