I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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