it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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