I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
