I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
