Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
