i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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