Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
