Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
