you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
