I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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