i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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