pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize