White coat. Heels.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
