So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
