so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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