I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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