no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
