When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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