I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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