He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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