Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
