I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
