Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
