Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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