I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
