Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
