non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize