You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
