A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
