I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
