Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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