tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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