Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
God I need to hump something, right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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