White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
