I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
