I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A+ Viking dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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