I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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