Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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