Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Drunk is a universal language darling
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
