is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
why is half of my head shaved?
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