i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
